lately, its been rough. on top of having family issues that i’m going to be facing soon (and have been facing), and battling with my own sanity its been really hard on me.
I honestly was ready to give up everything after my year and a half relationship ended with two producers who promised me the world and back this past november (of 2011)
lesson number 1: NEVER believe in a promise made by ANYONE but yourself.
lesson number 2: songwriters out there…COPYRIGHT everything!!!! you do not want to go through what i had to.
I was with 2 guys who tried to turn me into something I wasn’t. Telling me my voice wasn’t ” right “ in this song…. my look wasn’t ” right “ for that sound…but wouldn’t help develop me, they wanted to use to me to get into a label so THEY could make progress with their careers…devastating really. When you come to find the people you trusted who you thought believed in your talent were really only using you for themselves so they could get to the top just to push you back down, it was really hard. Situations like this can make you believe in things that are false and it can make you second guess yourself. NEVER SECOND GUESS YOURSELF,EVER.
BOTTOM LINE- if someone doesn’t like you for who you are and the ideas you have, move on. Especially if you are strong in what you believe and sing about and know what you want out of life and what you want to say through music. Don’t get caught up in someone else’s confusion about who they WANTED to be and missed it and now want to try and morph someone else (you) into what they always wanted.
Luckily I got out of that, it was very disheartening because I gave these guys EVERYTHING I had for a year, and on top of that …all the 15 some songs I started (but never finished) were all one big story of my break up with my former x who I fell in love with, and they then tried to tell me if I wasn’t going to work with them I couldn’t have my own music and they were going to “throw it out” so to speak. The music that told the story of my life for the past year THAT I WROTE. They started telling me that I don’t own any rights to anything and they owned “100%” of everything and wanted me to sign some JANK “contract” (that I showed to a lawyer and he told me ” wow this is the most unprofessional thing I’ve ever seen…good thing you didn’t sign anything with these fools.”) They would call all the time and threaten me, leaving me disrespectful voicemails trying to force me to sign things and give away my rights.
They didn’t want me to have the music I created with them because they didn’t want me to succeed (and probably still don’t) and that is pure evil.
I currently started reading the book “The Secret” which is changing my life. Basically the energy and attitude you put out into the universe you get back, so if you purposely try to bring me down and make me feel a certain way, believe me it will come back to you. Being in this industry and not being able to appreciate talent and be happy for people who are better than you is a HUGE flaw, good luck to anyone who cant do that. No matter how much I don’t like these guys, I had such a good connection with them musically, they were GREAT song writers and I always tell people how good they were before I tell them what they did to me behind my back, because I believed in them…
wise words of a music lawyer- ” sarah, no one can own 100% of anything in the music business..” — #TRUTH
Its hard when every un-genuine person around you seems to be making leaps and jumps in the direction you’re trying to go, when you know they are in it for all the wrong reasons. FAME IS NOT A GOOD REASON TO WANT TO BE A SINGER. (and its usually those people who *just started singing* or has only been doing this for a few years that have this thought process) FYI, the rest of us who have been doing this since childhood find that its disrespectful!!!!! How are you going to save a persons life by owning 6 yachts? IT MAKES ME SO MAD that people actually have the audacity to respond to the question ” why do you want to be a singer ” with ” because I want to be famous ” it should be ” because I want to change someones life” or ” because I want to help someone who is struggling, through my music and my life experiences” FAME IS NOTHING, its just something that comes along with the process. It pisses me off so much to think I let people like that into my life at one point, and believed they were worth my time…I have now cut them out …( thankfully ) I love how they think that getting a song on itunes and being in a magazine is going to get you signed to a label, JUST SO YOU CAN GET FAMOUS. Money is nothing. What happened to it being about the music?
I also love the people that think going out and doing drugs every night and having a black american express card makes you an actor. (Thats a good one) For those of us in this industry that audition daily, write music, perform and STRUGGLE just to get rejected…THAT’S being an actor and THAT’S how you make it in this business.
I’ve wanted this my whole life, the songs on my up-coming album are all REAL events that have happened in my life that have changed me for the better or for the worse…but they communicate stories…even some lyrics are actual quotes from those ignorant people I once thought graced my life.
I just have to focus on myself and what i’m doing and block out all the bullshit around me (via internet). Im not gunna lie, its really difficult especially when our generation is the kind that relies on everything virtual. but just because someone else has a song on itunes right now, doesn’t mean I wont. I’m on my way up and I know this. Give it a year or two and, may I quote one of my idols here, “you’re not gunna be able to walk into a fucking deli without seeing my face on the cover of every magazine.”
I know being patient will be worth it and I know i’m right around the corner from accomplishing the ONE thing i’ve wanted my entire life. and I know im doing it the RIGHT way with the RIGHT people this time. I don’t need to pay someone to put me on a website or magazine…its all gunna happen the right way and I couldn’t be more excited. I am so blessed to have an amazing team now that believes in every breath I take and every lyric I write, who’s goal is to help me succeed.GEEZ? IS THIS REALLY HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO FEEL…WEIRD. ;) #sarcasm
I was made to believe that the songs that I wrote myself weren’t good enough. Those same songs are now going to be on my album that i’m currently working on…and have been re-arranged to their best ability. I cannot contain my excitement! all I want is to help a broken heart fall asleep at night or be a part of a party, a prom, a wedding…I want to make memories with my music and I want my stories to inspire. (and TRUST me I got plenty of stories)
I don’t care if I finish last…I WILL make it. I know I will. My life currently reminds me of Christina Aguilera when she first started. How everyone around her, like Britney Spears and others were all really making a huge hit and taking off with their careers …and she seemed to get lost in the background. She was patient and eventually bloomed just like the rest of them however she has had a long lasting career and is still standing, still making music and doing her thing while the others seemed to have gotten lost along the way. I know that will be my path. I just need to try and relax a little and know that what I am doing now is significant and I am going to accomplish all I have set my mind to, and now I have a team that can help me achieve this goal.
I’ve lost a lot of people close to me this year, and it has taught me a lot. its sad how easy I can tell how genuine someone is and how quickly I can push them out just as quickly as I let them in.
i’m starting therapy in June. I need it. I realized I can no longer handle all this alone, by myself. I still am learning that there are a lot of burdens I still carry from my past that need to be resolved. My family has become more distant than ever and we are about to face a whole lot of changes and hard ships, and I hope in the end it brings us closer because I really need a family behind me.
Music is currently my boyfriend, don’t EVEN get me started on men of my generation….(read a few blogs down, there are some pretty epic stories about the past men ive dated)
If I wasn’t this jaded, I wouldn’t be making the music im making, so im just taking it all in. As hard as it is, I wouldn’t change a THING about the past experiences ive had. I know one day, ill be a little bit more soft spoken and open hearted, but not today…I need to keep this wall up, keep being selfish and bring myself the success I deserve.
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SARAH MADISON MUSIC COMING SOON. GET READY
and one last thing, to those of you who continue to stay by my side through all this, I would be NOTHING without you. Thank you to everyone who supports me, my family, my music. I truly love you and I will not disappoint you!