it is loneliness that makes the loudest noise.
Fall reminds me of the beginning of us…even though it had ended so long ago….time has flown by, I have been fine -the word fine is so vague- I went out, had a good summer, traveled, got a job, dated…but something still eats at me. yesterday on my way to a recording session, every single song that came on the radio as I was driving 287 north was yours, or ours, or ones we promised we would do together and as I would frantically change the station over and over a song would still come on…I sware it was like a movie…I screamed in the car “WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!” every time I would change the station, a song would come on that had a specific moment or memory from our relationship. I have never had goosebumps like that before, ever. I was actually a little nervous because I didnt understand what it meant. I believe that the universe has ways to contact you through different wave-lengths. I cant try and figure out what this ” sign ” meant because I would never move on with my day, but it still freaks me out. I find myself worrying about you, wondering about your life and hoping you are okay, and things are going well even if things arent turning out the way you planned, im hoping you havent chosen to give up.
things have been so unknown (career wise) I wish you were a phone call away to tell you about everything that has happened, and all that has fallen apart.
I know struggle is important so that the out-come and success means more than accomplishment itself. I just wish you were around. I am in need of a friend who understands. And at one point you did understand. I’m sure thats gone now, I just wish it was still there.
There is an emptiness eating at me…I cant tell what it is. I need some guidance. some advice. some support. Im sure i’m on the right path, its just that not knowing scares me so much. And I find myself alone a lot of the time.
fall is my favorite time of year, even if it will be a lonely one… im hoping its a good one to remember.