what a year!
i am sitting here, writing this on the last day of 2010. i cant begin to express the joy, the pain, the love, the hate, the inspiration i have experienced this year. i’m not sure where to start….
one thing i am so proud of :
i graduated AMDA this past june. the most amazing, most difficult 2 years of my life, where i learned EVERYTHING i planned to learn, where i gained so much knowledge. singing everyday for 2 years straight, tapping, dancing, laughing, crying, the 7 hour rehearsals, the memorizing over night, the dream. that’s the dream. i got a taste of it for 2 years. and i sacrificed relationships and friendships. but it was all worth it. leaving all that, the day after i graduated i cried…for so long. it was like ” what now? ” i wasn’t ready to go home, because we sold our house that we lived in for 20 years and i didn’t want to witness the death of a piece of me. and a piece of our family. it was hard for me. the beginning of the summer was the biggest challenge because i didn’t feel like i belonged anywhere, like i had to start over. the structured 2 years i had been devoting myself to had come to an abrupt stop, and i was terrified. i’m still dealing with that fear a little bit, but over the past few months i have accepted the change. none of us want to accept change, but that is life, and it moves on…even when i thought it wouldn’t, it has. And looking back, i know i have a long way to go but those 2 years i wouldn’t change anything. i am so thankful to have such memories.
I was Christina Aguilera this year. DIRRTY….haha it was epic and wonderful!
The New School:
I passed my first semester at The New School, grinding my teeth the whole way through ( and adrianna and amy can swear to that …) but regardless, i didn’t fail, and now i know, i need to suck it up and deal with the fact that i have another year and a half to go to get a degree i’m still not even sure i want, but i know so many people would pray to have such a thing, and i get the luxury of learning thanks to a very supportive family, so i’m going to start appreciating things, even if i don’t like them.
STONEWALL SENSATION season 6:
i came in second place, loosing to a HUGE talent creighton fraker who has inspired me and i finished a 3 month singing compeition in the village downtown. i must say there were times where i was tired but i did it! and i am proud to have finished and am honored to have met the people i did along the way!
creighton, me and jeff. TOP3 <3
I went to Florida with my dear friend, Allison Maldanado…and we had a ball. Disney world, swimming with rays and big fish and just enjoying the sun for a week. it was a wonderful trip.
I went on many vacations with Ryan, my heart, my best friend. let’s see, we saw Beyonce live in concert for her I Am…World Tour at the staples center in LA…we went to VEGAS and lived like the stars we will one day become ;) we went to lake george with the Szamosszegi family….god i love that family. <3 my second family. they always make my year a little better.
I think though one of the best parts of this year was late july, early august. I found something i never believed in, well it found me actually. ” expecting the worst brought me to you.” and it has been a tricky, but wonderful 4 and 1/2 months and over-all it has changed me. it has softened the hard woman i had become. Instead of the insecurity there is serenity…. In his arms, instead of fear, there is warmth. I can only smile, as we sing together and wonder what the future holds. Something great i know. ” let this new year bring us a journey leading towards the direction of our dreams.” - me <3.
- to appreciate more
- to continue to dream the dream, believe in it, and strive for it more than ever before
- to trust fully in what i am doing, regarding every aspect of my life.
- to not let other people’s opinion’s influence mine, and do what i want to do with no explanations other than because i want it. because i deserve to get what i want, and i will get what i want.
- to love and to love myself
- to sing
- to write
- to heal
- to let go
- to forgive
- to get a JOB while i continue school…
- to spend more time with my grandparents, and savor every last minute with them, and to let them know how much i adore them and all they have done for me.
- to audition like crazy
- to write more music and use this voice ( and by voice i mean both of mine..the one i use to communicate and the one i use to speak and write how i feel )
- to live
HAPPY NEW YEAR, celebrate!!!!! and know that if you are apart of my life in any way, whether you are a new friend or an old one, a family member, or if we crossed paths at some point, i am grateful you are somehow a part of me, and this journey i am on, and all the support i have received and continue to receive is so amazing, i do not take it for granted. i promise to fulfill this dream i have for not only myself but for those who believe in me. BRING IT ON 2011! i am as ready as i’ll ever be.